I want to change only the Shutdown and Restart icons in the kickoff application menu. It seems like you cant do this with the standard menu editor and I cant find a shutdown.desktop or restart.desktop anywhere. How would I go about doing this?

The best way would be to override the appropriate icons, which would ensure they are overridden consistently across KDE.

First, you need the desired icons in 16x16, 22x22, 32x32, 48x48 and 64x64 sizes.
Next, create the following folder structure in ~/.local/share/icons/:

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oxygen/16x16/actions/
oxygen/22x22/actions/
oxygen/32x32/actions/
oxygen/48x48/actions/
oxygen/64x64/actions/

Finally, place the icon you desire to be the shutdown icon, of the appropriate size in each of those folders. It must be named "system-shutdown.png".

With this in place, logout of KDE and delete /var/tmp/kdecache-$USER/ (executing this command in a console should do the trick):

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rm -rf /var/tmp/kdecache-$(id -un)/

Finally, log back into KDE.