I know this sounds like a stupid question, but how can I alter the size, color and look of KDE4.3 Titlebars? When I change themes, the titlebar and it's graphics never change.

I am coming from Gnome. Thanks.

I guess you're talking about window decorations: System Settings -> Appearance -> Windows.
Topic moved to Appearance & System Customization.

So there is no way to change the size of the titlebar height, etc?

It depends on which decoration you use. If you want Oxygen with more options (however, not with height configuration as far as I know) there's Nitrogen.

With nitrogen you can change the height indirectly, if you change the button size the height will change to fit it.

How can I use a different theme for a window decoration that doesnt come with KDE by default?

I see all these nice window decorations on kde look and I cant figure out how to load them

"Native" window decorations have to be compiled. The easiest way to install them is probably with your package manager - which distribution do you use?
As for deKorator/Aurorae you have to install the theme engine (again, via your package manager) first. The decorations listed under those categories should be pretty easy to install.

I use Kubuntu