I only downloaded this for the 1% that my other software doesn't do and it won't even do that because many of the effects are missing.

looking at latest standalone released: https://files.kde.org/kdenlive/release/ ... dalone.exe (this is the package your are refererring?)
on the package there is the Frei0r directory , the position is the same of other releases: lib/frei0r-1 .. and looking inside there are 129 files(effects)

and opening effects tabs the effects are listed (i tried 4 of them just to be sure that everything is working fine)

Every tutorial I look at says "To add an effect, right click the track, add transition..." I right click the track, there's no "add transition". There's only "insert an effect" of which there are 3, and "insert a composition" of which there are 2.

ok.. finally i can understand.. these effects/compositions are a some sort of shortcuts to MUST USED in video editing (i supposed this when i see for the first time the menu)

usually to add an effect/composition you have to drop the effect (from composition/effects space/window) directly on the timeline over a clip.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jB77vpWGuz4

Okay, that's becoming a little more clear. But there's still effects missing, like color selection and scratchlines. Is chroma key buffed up enough to not need color selection? And what happened to scratchlines?

Chroma-key (there are 2 effects: "Chroma-key" and "Chroma key") and Scratchlines are present (just checked and tested on latest nightly build for Windows) .. to speed-up searches of effects you can use the magnifying glass icon (on effect TAB)

Oh I see! Thanks a lot.